AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK FUCK FUCK GOD DAMNIT FUCK I AM COMPLETELY PISSED OFF AT MYSELF AHHHHHHHHHH
Okay so my family went to Garcia's for dinner, right? I had the perfect excuse as I'd known about it for sometime and started playing ill when I heard about it. I was all set as my parents weren't going to make me eat for being sick. I was fine. BUT OF FUCKING COURSE I HAD TO SCREW UP AND TAKE A BITE GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
After that I had to have more. I FUCKING GORGED MYSELF UNTIL I WAS SICK. GOD IM SO WEAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And of course, after eating like an effing cow I had the audacity to go shopping. Luckily I was so bloated looking after eating that I was disgusted of how my body looked in everything. Serves myself right. God damnit. . .
I will pay for this... I swear I will...
Current Mood: enraged Current Music: Pullin' Me Back>Chingy
Rise and Shine. I feel like shit. I was up till like five am. Now my Dad's pissed at me for being up so late, and my Mother's upset that I didn't get up right away. I feel like a fortune teller.
What's worse, she made me make Chocolate chip cookies last night. WHAT THE HELL And it's not like I even had a choice, she actually made me. And I have this terrible craving for one. But I'm good, I can do this.
I'm starting my fast today. Water and tea are the only things going past my lips for the next four days. =]Yes. I can do this. Have to be sure to be extra cautious around Dad as he's really suspicous of how much/often I eat. But, once again, I can do this. I'm better than food. I don't need it. I'm going to be perfect. I'm going to be thin. I'm going to have control.
Control. Control. Control. Control.
Perfection.
Current Mood: optimistic Current Music: Straight Boys>Jeffree Star
It's now three am and I still can't sleep. It'll be hell tomorrow when my mother's nagging at me to get up, get up, get up. Rawr. Today I really bombed. It was like I couldn't control myself nor talk myself out of anything today. A real let down from yesterday, as I was so proud of myself. . .
Lately everyone has been commenting on how much weight I've lost, and I have to admit, it feels fantastic I haven't been this thin since I was twelve. Twelve! Yes, it feels great. Also helped when I went clothes shopping the other day. I had a complete paradigm shift. It was like. . . Instead of searching through and trying on all kinds of clothes to find ONE item that looked decent, I was actually contemplating on what looked best. It was really wierd.
So now I guess I should try to sleep again. God save me from my mother tomorrow morning. =.=
Current Mood: listless Current Music: Lips of An Angel>Hinder
Brand new to live journal. Not new to ana. Not new to the internet. Brand new to blogging in general.
Seemed like a logical choice seeing as how I keep somewhat of a journal/diary anyway. But that's becoming increasingly difficult as my Dad's been suspicious of my eating behavior and my online activites. Bah, screw it.
Moving on. . . I'd greatly appreciate it if haters would keep the fuck away from me as I have not come here to be judged and/or bashed for who I am.
Take me or leave me. I really couldn't care less.
But, despite all it seems, I'm actually really friendly and easy to get along with, although I may be a bit high maintinence sometimes. <.< Maybe even more often than that. X] Be warned though, I'm very random, I cuss occasionally, and when I get all worked up, I'm completely irrational.
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xfallxkissesx's journal
enraged
optimistic
listless
indifferent